Decaying Lands 30: Milkin' It

PCs Present & Played:

Caleb, Fighter [farmer kit] (Just Yolks)

  Suzie, a stubborn but loyal mule
Claus Drexol, Magic-User (Vegas)
  Phillip Bachman, linklad
  Lucien Courtet, infantryman
Jehan, Woodsman [reskinned Halfling] (Helpful Waffle)
  Walter, poacher
Jewel, Really Good Dog (Rudy)
  Buddy, ratter dog [Specialist]
Tenkos, Cleric [plague doctor kit] (Sugarplum)
Viggo Marklund, Specialist [bounty hunter kit] (Peanut Butter)

---

Last time the group got a couple hirelings, departed the partially burned down, dilapidated port of Frissen to arrive at Port Fromagerie, decided to investigate Stilton after all because of an offer of 300 silver each, and killed some bandits outside the town of Dourdain.

After having spent the night in Dourdain everyone in the group (except Walter) woke up with a profound sense of overwhelming loss and sadness. Tenkos noted that this is basically how he wakes up every day but none of them could remember the exact content of their dreams.

They debated a bit about whether they should salvage the bandits' broken wagon before remembering that they burned it along with all the bodies in a giant pyre.

They took the morning to get over to Stilton with the rain still pouring down. There weren't a ton of folks outside so they headed to the Bell Inn. Inside they encountered a large heavyset women who didn't talk much apart from showing them a plate of cheese and saying "Cheese?" Jewel readily ate some of the cheese and so did Caleb. They both greedily scarfed their plates down and seemed to thoroughly enjoy the Stilton specialty. Caleb was especially enthusiastic about the cheese and meeting the cows that it came from! The rest of the party declined.

The party tried to talk to the woman (later identified as Mary Thornhill) but all she would do is point to the wall and say "Cooper." They got the hint and headed over to the cheesery barn.

The got into the barn and saw a number of cows being milked, a bunch of cheese making equipment, and a storage chamber in the back. They could even see the special maggot cheese in the darkest parts of the storage shelves!

The workers weren't especially talkative but they indicated the office door and in short order Cooper Thornhill himself emerged to greet the party. Tenkos took point with the discussion trying to get Cooper to talk about what makes his cows so amazing. Cooper jokingly pushed to see if they were from the Cheesemonger's Guild before slyly admitting that the secret was "good, honest cows." Tenkos faked eating some of the cheese while Jewel and Caleb did not fake eating it at all. Caleb was mostly distracted during this discussion by the cows being milked off to the side.

That evening at the Bell Inn they were discussing what their next steps should be. Caleb again volunteered a distraction involving the cows in the field somehow but the rest of the group declined.

The rain was still pouring down and the inn was bustling with customers. Jehan went to work gambling with a few of the guards that were there, won some money, and learned that they locked up a crazy man for attacking Cooper and claiming that the cheesemaker had kidnapped his wife. One of the other guard's was off at the jail minding the ranting lunatic while these guards and their captain spent the evening at the Bell Inn.

Viggo spent some time ruminating on how he could talk to the inmate after discounting a possible plan of B&E on the barn by himself. They caught some friendly conversation between Cooper and the leader of the guards, Captain Cuthill, without picking up the details.

Tenkos noticed a thick young man with a cowbell around his neck idling drawing shapes in condensation on the window he was sitting next to. He watched the boy draw a person outline that slowly changed into a more bovine shape before rubbing the picture out and waiting for the condensation to reform and repeat the process.

Somebody else (can't remember who) struck up a conversation with a very soaked young woman named Samantha who had just gotten into town. She hadn't wanted to stay in Dourdain so she pushed on through the rain to Stilton, target of her tourism. It wasn't long before she ended up eating some of the cheese and going WILD on it. The party left her to her eating...

Caleb and Jewel mostly spent the evening stuffing their faces with delicious cheese. Some things overheard from Caleb during the session:

"I miss those udders."
"I'm going towards those cows."
"We could make a distraction... I could go into into the field with the cows and make a distraction. A loud distraction."

They ended the session with potentially even more questions than they started with. I think the dominant theory in that particular moment was that Cooper had minotaurs somewhere and that he was milking them.

Description: Armored swordsmen shouting "They let me milk a minotaur!"
From "Delicious in Dungeon" manga. Seemed appropriate.

Decaying Lands 29: Down Stilton Way

PCs Present & Played:

Caleb, Fighter [farmer kit] (Just Yolks)

  Suzie, a stubborn but loyal mule
Claus Drexol, Magic-User (Vegas)
  Phillip Bachman, linklad
  Lucien Courtet, infantryman
Jehan, Woodsman [reskinned Halfling] (Helpful Waffle)
  Walter, poacher
Jewel, Really Good Dog (Rudy)
  Buddy, ratter dog [Specialist]
Tenkos, Cleric [plague doctor kit] (Sugarplum)
Viggo Marklund, Specialist [bounty hunter kit] (Peanut Butter)

---

Last time the party spent a week in Frissen teaching Buddy how to be a specialist, got some rumors, and burned down a not-insignificant portion of the city to kill some cats that may or may not have been plotting to kill all of the humans.

Original plan was to depart Frissen with a Ghallian ship captain that they had met. Captain Lalande normally runs the cheese route for the Cheesemonger's Guild from Porte Fromagerie (yeah that's MY dumb name) to Frissen. Tenkos managed to convince him that, as a faceless doctor (sounds cooler in French), he was on a special mission from his Prince into the Plaguelands of Ghallia-That-Fell. The captain had agreed to transport them out and around the patrols and into the forbidden zone as a proud service to the Prince.

Sidebar: The faceless doctors are the special agents for the various Princes along the riverine border with Ghallia-That-Fell. The plague doctor mask is a badge of their service and makes them instantly recognizable.

Instead of heading out to sea right away, however, the group decided they wanted to do some preparations for their expedition.

Jehan bought some gear for Walter and continued his efforts in teaching the young man how to read.

Claus went about looking for any adventurous sorts who would like to accompany them and boy did he find a pair! He wanted at least a torchbearer (RIP Wiebke T_T) and some kind of bodyguard. He managed to scrounge up a linklad from Teutonia named Philip Bachman and a mercenary from Ghallia named Lucien Courtet.

Sidebar: I asked Vegas what was unique about Philip. He said that he's got a terrible scar on his face (a burn, I assume) and a severe lisp. After a couple minutes of talking at least one person very strongly regretted both hiring the linklad and allowing Vegas to give him a quirk. Made it much easier for me though! Lucien just got a pronounced widow's peak.

They finally left Frissen and sailed over to Porte Fromagerie (for free!) based on Captain Lalande's sense of duty to Tenkos and the faceless. Claus, on a boat once more, again wore his baby Huey costume. We still don't quite understand why.

Description: Baby Huey. It's a giant goose in a diaper, midriff shirt, and baby bonnet.

They made it to Porte Fromagerie and observed the Cheesemonger's Guildsmen unloading the trade goods from the ship. Captain Lalande said he'd need some time for business in town and then he could take them into Ghallia-That-Fell or they could wait for him to do another run for the Guild to Frissen.

They spent almost all their time trying to get information on Stilton to decide if they wanted to swing down and investigate this cheese.

Rumors:

• The owner of Belle Inn Fromagerie, maker of Stilton Cheese, Cooper Thornhelm, has a shed in that he doesn’t let anyone into. That’s probably where he keeps his gold.
• Cooper Thornhelm is richer than a prince by now. He’s making money hand over fist.
• Several people have gone missing without a trace on the Great Cheese Way.

It seemed like they were leaning towards ignoring it until they ran into Frances, brother of the cheesemaker down in Stilton! The poor guy has been having a hard time with his wife who is upset that Cooper Thornhill will not share his wealth or secrets with them. They eventually decided to go and speak with Jane. They learned a ton of stuff:

• Cooper was an okay dairy farmer and innkeeper in out of the way Stilton who decided to try making cheese nine months ago and has been raking it in ever since.
• Cooper is not a member of the Cheesemonger's Guild and has thus far spurned their advances. The Guild is not pleased in the slightest at this development.
• Jane contracted a man named William O'Leary to go and get Cooper's secret but he never returned. Probably Cooper paid him off.

She also hates him! She offered to pay the party 200 sp each to find out what his secret for cheesemaking is and bring it back to her, but didn't want any harm to befall him.

"No, no, we're not the murdering type people." - Viggo

They haggled her to 300 sp each (1800 sp total) and Tenkos and Jewel enjoyed some of her tasty milk and local cheese. Everyone else refused! They also immediately started scheming as soon as they left about how they could sell the recipe to her then take it 100 miles away and setup their own operation. Love them.

They headed on down south towards Stilton by way of a town called Dourdain, as Stilton was too far for a single day of travel. They encountered a man asking for help with a broken cart, immediately suspected a trap, and were not surprised at all when the bandits appeared and tried to rob them. There was ZERO mercy, including Claus lighting up a hulking, beefy bandit with a bunch of magic missiles. They took what they could from the bodies, including an empty metal flask that smelt of sour spoilage from the large one, and piled them all up on the broken wagon before lighting it all on fire.

Sidebar: Claus has been incredibly diligent about covering up any evidence of his use of magic. #golfclap

They noted that the large bandit had a similar build to good old Ralf Wegener, cow murdering farmboy from back in Bremmlecht and the first person that they heard about Stilton cheese from. They made it the last little bit down the road as night descended and rain began to fall and shacked up at the Merry Toad in Dourdain.

Decaying Lands 28: Meee-OW

PCs Present & Played:

Claus, Magic-User (Vegas)
Jewel, Really Good Dog (Rudy)
  Buddy, ratter dog

Tenkos, Cleric [plague doctor kit] (Sugarplum)
Viggo Marklund, Specialist [bounty hunter kit] (Peanut Butter)

---

Last time the party, against all odds and expectations, did NOT murder any of the poachers who stole their food and their pack animals, got everything back, and even recruited a new friend!

Jehan was MIA this session (probably out sleeping in the woods) so we didn't get to see any more of his new henchman Walter. What we did see was a whole lot of messing around in Frissen, dilapidated city that it has become.

Jewel took advantage of nifty hireling / henchman rules (inspired by Beloch Shrike and very similar to Brendan's here) to train her ratting comrade Buddy into a Specialist 1. Now he's all sorts of sneaky and vicious and Jewel has something that she wants to spend money on.

Viggo got an extra rumor on top of the ones they got for being in town because he was specifically hanging out in bars and scrounging for info.

Rumors heard:

• There have been a number of bandit attacks on less popular roads. That's not too strange, especially out east, but they say there are never any bodies left behind. Carts and goods are left behind, but no bodies.
• Stilton wasn’t even on the map until recently but they make the best god damn cheese in the world. It’s helping to keep Frissen afloat.
• Did you know the elves felt sorry for the dwarves during the Cleansing so they turned the ones that were left into trees?
• The Order of Sebastian’s Cross really wiped the dwarves out because the famed smiths could enslave any that used dwarf-forged creations.
• The cats of the city plan to kill all humans.

That last one about cats came form Jewel's doggy rumor table and they all immediately latched onto it as 100% true.

Sidebar: Worth noting that Jewel had the option of getting a human rumor but chose not to. I am always happy when I get to distribute doggy rumors.

They followed a bunch of cats around the city, Buddy specifically making use of his newfound sneakiness. They were able to track a number of different groups of felines all back to the same place: an empty warehouse. The warehouse was in the most abandoned corner of town, a whole quarter of dilapidated buildings surrounding the rubble of a wizard's tower.

There were cats everywhere in this place. Grooming, meowing, taking care of baby cats, making baby cats, spewing up hairballs... Just everywhere. They observed through an upper window for a bit before Claus decided to get a closer look.

Claus went in, they all turned and hissed at him, he backed away, "Yup these cats are not normal let's lock all the doors and burn the building down."

Jewel was ecstatic at the plan, Tenkos loves to burn things, and Claus... Well it's Claus, he's always eager to push the button.

What was the actual plan? First take was just get a barrel of oil, open it, throw in a window, with a torch right after, and burn it all down.

But wait! We have to set one side on fire and then do the barrel on the other side!

No no wait we dribble the barrel all around the building and light it all up so everything burns at once! Oh and we'll block all the doors and and hang out near likely exits for a little bit to make sure none escape.

Sidebar: This took at least thirty minutes of real world, detailed planning to accomplish. This was probably the most detailed plan they have ever made.

Tenkos went to buy the oil but made sure to strip himself of his regular gear and "combed his hair."  They waited for the dead of night and picked their way through the sparsely populated city towards the warehouse.

Their plan was executed with precision and efficiency. The warehouse lit up in a great conflagration and the meowrls of alarm and anger swiftly turned to squeals of desperation.
Their pyromaniacal plan was a bit too effective, however, as the fire quickly started to spread to the other abandoned buildings in the wizard quarter. Alarm bells rung out from the harbor and echoed towards the center of town.

Jewel and Buddy disappeared into the streets (yay dogs!) but Claus, Tenkos, and Viggo still needed to make it back to their inn without attracting any unwanted attention.

Unfortunately for them, they encountered some guards rushing to fight the fire! The guards were immediately suspicious, asking what they were doing out so late, especially coming from the direction where the fire was raging. Tenkos thought quickly and gave Claus a big fat sloppy kiss, saying that they were just out spending some quality time together. 💓

The guards were almost convinced and then they remembered Viggo. "Eh and what about you?" Viggo just leaned in and put his arms around the other too. There may have been a wink involved. Either way they were all quite charming, leaving the guards bashful and embarrassed to have been prying. The soldiers let the trio on their way as they rushed off to combat the blaze.

A whole section of the city burned down and the constabulary had to hastily knock down even more buildings to prevent further spread but at least they got those plotting cats!